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i was raped.

i was raped.

I never thought that this would ever happen to me. Really, I never thought it would, but that’s what everyone thinks until it happens to them.

I remember that Friday night that my friend called me. He just got back from his vacation and he wanted to hang out with me because we hadn’t hung out in awhile. We went to a party that night.

That was a poor choice I made.

There were a lot of older kids from school at the party and me being fourteen, I was the youngest one there. It felt weird seeing all these faces that had passed by me in the hallway at school and not knowing a single one of them personally there.

It was all very intimidating.

Inside the house I remember music blasting in my ears from the speakers and kids chatting all around, having a good time with their friends. Outside there was a bonfire going and kids gathered all around it for warmth and to continue their conversations. It was just the typical party scene that everyone expects.

I remember once my friend and I got to the party, he disappeared into some part of the crowded house, leaving me to fend for myself. In the midst of the chaotic party scene, someone had handed me a drink.

And that’s where it began.

At first the drink tasted like Pepsi, and then it turned gross. It tasted nasty like it had been mixed with a harsh alcohol of some kind. I continued drinking it in small sips – hoping the nasty after taste would go away – and I sat down on a couch trying to at least enjoy the party. That’s when I heard a familiar voice.

Hey,” he said as he took a seat next to me on the couch. I remember I had a class with him awhile back before he dropped out of school. It had been so long since I had seen him or talked to him.

Hey,” I replied. The conversations started and I remembered that I was trying to keep it brief and casual by just trying to catch up with him since he had dropped out of school. Unknowingly, I was losing my perception on everything, and making dazed and unaware of my current situation.

According to other people at the party – while I was zoned out – he was taking advantage of the situation by being all flirty and touchy towards me. I kept my composure during it and didn’t let him faze me.

Then I blacked out. Nothing but darkness in my eyes. I regained consciousness, moments later, to find myself on a bed with the guy I was just talking to . . . on top of me.

Raping me.

My head was throbbing and I felt dizzy. Something was in that drink and I knew that was what did this to me.

Shh don’t be loud,” he said and kept on saying it when I tried to squirm.

I honestly didn’t know what to say or how to say anything. Everything was all in a blur at that moment. All I wanted to do was to disappear and pretend like this never happened, and that it would all go away.

But I knew it wouldn’t.

I fought back and tried to push him off of me– to get him to stop. I was having a panic attack and was losing control of myself every second that went by. I did everything I could just to get him off of me.

At first he thought I was playing around and continued his little game, but then he realized that I was serious and let up and got off of me. I collected myself and left him in that room without saying another word.

I returned to the party and called my friend on my cell phone. He answered and had been apparently looking for me the whole time at the party. I told him I wanted to go home.

When I got home I told my mom and we called the police. The police went to the party to arrest him for what he had done to me, but he wasn’t there. He must have gone home with his friend after I left him alone in that bedroom.

Since I didn’t go to the hospital and get any rape kit done, the police didn’t have enough evidence to convict him for sexually assaulting me. I thought that getting a rape kit done wouldn’t be necessary, since the whole thing with the cops; I guess it would have been.

Everyday after that night, my friend called me to comfort me and tried to make sure that I was going to be okay. I knew that I wasn’t going to be all right though.

There was nothing I really could do, but put it all in the back of my mind and get on with my life. But even doing that, I knew it wasn’t going to really help me at all.

I started seeing a counselor twice a week, then once a week, and finally once a month. When I was there talking to my counselor, they wanted to know every detail so I told them everything I could. They wanted me to detach myself from those thoughts and to start focusing on my life and what I had in it.

I began to focus on my grades and they began improving in time as I pushed the thought of the rape into the dark corners of my mind. I remember how I used to think of the rape all the time, like it would just “eat at me,” but now it doesn’t bother me as much when the subject is brought up in school or in typical conversations.

I knew I made a mistake but I had to move on and put it in the past so I could focus on the future that lay ahead of me. Sometimes though, I kind of wish that I could go back to that night to change it so that the rape never occurred. But I can’t and now it’s not that big of a deal to me anymore.

The counseling definitely made a difference. The process may have been long and enduring but it helped me put that fear into the back of my head.

Never say “that will never happen to me” because if you’re not careful, it could very well happen to you.

Editors Note: Staff writer Sydney Hellgeth composed this article based on two in-depth interviews with an anonymous Huntley High School student. It is written from the interviewee’s point of view.

Date rape prevention

Rapists are not always strangers or anoymous attacker. When someone you know- a date, steady boyfriend or partner – forces you to have sex, it’s rape. The following are self-protection suggestions.

  • Do not let alcohol or other drugs decrease or interfere with your ability to take care of yourself and make sensible decisions.
  • Do not accept beverages from someone you don’t know and trust. Always watch your drink and never leave it unattended, at any time.
  • Follow your instincts. If a place or the way your date acts makes you nervous or uneasy, get out.
  • Check out a first date or a blind date with friends. Meet in and go to public places. Don’t leave a social event with someone you have just met or don’t know well.
  • Carry money for a phone call or taxi, or, better yet, take your own car.
  • -Village of South Elgin

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